Tuesday, February 19, 2008

why i'm a bad blogger - installment #4

i'm a bad blogger because i suck at sales. these may seem unrelated, but stay with me, i'll make it worth your while. swears. up to this point, i have not been able to lure my non-blogging friends into commenting in the comment section. i think that i know that they are out there. somewhere. in the interwebnets universe. but they elude the comments section. they are not even anonymously reporting on how irrelevant my posts are. nuttin'. silence. anyone who knows me, knows that melikes attention. so essentially i am bad blogger because i am not selling my blog to those who don't blog and thus not getting the attention i need. like one of my cats, i am an attention whore. and i am jonesin' for a fix.

i like that blogs have the potential for dialogue. the comments section creates a space of/for discussion. now, maybe, you say, you don't say anything relevant to the lives of others and therefore they are not compelled to comment. you might say, your blog sucks. and after i say, shut up, you suck, i will acknowledge that you might be on to something. so i have concocted a top ten list of reasons why people don't comment. here goes:

1. no one actually reads my blog - this is no. 1 because it is the most likely. in that case, i am a bag blogger because no one reads my blog - save for the four people that i am sure of - and even they are not always compelled to comment.

2. no one can figure out what my blog is about.

3. as in life, i talk too much and only pretend to listen. (kidding. i do listen. if its about me).

4. no one likes me. (impossible).

5. my blog has bad breath.

6. commenters need to get drunk with me first. (i am available most days for intoxication, save the days i teach. you'd know that if you invited me somewhere in my comments section. jerks).

7. the comments section is too complicated.

8. people are afraid of openly acknowledging that they know me.

9. people want me to pick a topic and stick to it. (don't fence me in. seriously).

10. lurking is more fun than writing. i get that.

the most common and probable reason, besides all of the above, is that people who don't blog don't feel it is their "place" somehow to comment. i felt this for a long time. i was internet-paranoid: not filling in my email address on any website, not giving any information unless it was to online bank, not commenting on compelling blogs, not participating in any social networking. at all. but now that we as a culture have ridden the wave of facebook's rise (and some say, fall) from grace, we can be the master of our so-called internet domains, no? this bad blogger post will therefore attempt to empower those of you who, like me, are afraid of certain types of internet participation. for fear of spam or public humiliation. i am a bad blogger. so, too, can you be. or you can at least be a friggin' blog commenter in the friggin' comments section.


(don't make me turn this into a blog about cats. cause i'll do it. just watch me).


Anonymous said...

Only b/c you dared and/or shamed me--here I am*.This was an especially comical post. Thanks for the giggle.
*I am also procrastinating, but your right this is a fun way to do it.

Shells said...

Hilarious! I can totally relate, to both reasons for not blogging and for that feeling of dismay when you find that no one has commented on(or maybe read) your blog!
But for the record, if you start catblogging, I'll boycott. I swear I will!

t_moore8 said...

Its so much easier to read and then surf on than it is to click to this page, then type your comment, then try to type in the secret words, then have the reject the letters you typed, that are CLEARLY correct, so then you do that 3 times, and then the site resets what you typed for some reason, and then you have to retype it, and of course you won't type the same thing over again, that would suck, so you just type half of it, but make the same point, and then finally you are able to post, and then internet explorer crashes...so you just say forget it, and thats why you dont' have as many comments as you like...just a theory :P

jacks said...

@anonymous - thank sweet baby jesus there are at least 5 of you out there! now, however, i am obsessed with who you are. so thanks for that.

@shells - five readers is apparently enough for me to continue on my path and not start a catblog just yet. but not to worry, you'll like my catblog if it comes to that. promise.

@tom - ain't it the truth. i surprised i am able to actually blog since i am a spaz regarding most things technological. but you are a trooper for participating and i appreciates it!

ah, the attention i demand. love it.